La Puma staff members field a surprising number of questions about Campolindo when they cover events. That’s why La Puma has decided to include a Frequently Asked Questions section in the newspaper. Please note that our staff members are journalists, not counselors.  Here are our responses to a variety of queries.

Q: I missed the emergency drill. What should students do when the fire alarm goes off?

A: Keep sitting in your seat, inform the teacher that you are present, and calmly continue what you were doing before.  An announcement will most likely be made indicating that it was a false alarm.

Q: What are students supposed to do when spirit commissioners do roll call at rallies?

A: Panic.

Q: I’m a teacher, and I don’t think my students like me very much. Any suggestions to improve my standing with students?

A: Don’t follow the suggested testing schedule. Schedule your test on the same days as exams in other classes. All the popular teachers do it.

Q: I’m a student. How can I become more popular?

A: Write an opinion article for La Puma that asserts booing freshmen at rallies is hazing.

Q: What’s a creative way to ask a girl to homecoming?

A: Stage a water balloon fight in the quad. It’s a great way to attract a lot of attention. Even the administration will take notice. Just ask the senior class of 2013.

Q: We had the Welcome Back Dance and the Homecoming Dance. What other dances are coming up?

A: Fun fact: the Welcome Back Dance is actually not a dance. It’s the “Grinding 101” class. And the Homecoming Dance’s official name is the “Ask That Cute Girl/Guy in a Kardashian-Worthy Proposal and then Promptly Ditch Them When You Get There” Dance. Also coming up is the Sad Dance: 1st quarter grades will be released soon.

Q: I’m new to the school and confused about reading period. Can you enlighten me?

A: It’s a period designed for La Puma interviews.

Q: I lost my lunch bag – it’s a Lululemon bag. What should I do? Where can I find it?

A: You can find it in any classroom on campus. Any classroom.

Q: I’m writing a report about the recent history of Campolindo High School and I need to sum it up in a few sentences. Can you help?

A: Welcome to Campolindo High School. Our alumni include Olympic athletes, Ivy League college graduates, and that guy sitting at the smoke shop on Telegraph Avenue.

Q: What’s a good way to show colleges that I posses leader ship skills?

A: Take out the recycling. 

Q: What are some cool things to do on Saturday in the Bay Area?

A: Sit at home and read La Puma articles on thecampoclaw.com.