I often think about how weird life can sometimes be.
I see people as just apes wandering the earth using our darn dirty paws to clank a few things together to build a house. The only useful thing we contribute to society is the protection of species we endangered in the first place.
What are we doing? What are we really doing?
We spend all this time worrying about things that have happened, are happening, and may happen. What is the point of it all? Is there some accomplishment at the end of the road? Do we see a little Xbox achievement pop up at the bottom of our screen?
But alas, after my scientific side has its fun my romantic side steps in.
After being so critical of people I see around me, judging them, and wondering what in the world they could be thinking to hold their baby out to greet a tiger at the zoo, I realize I’m one of them. I do plenty of stupid things.
I drop my binder in the hallway and have all my papers spill out in front of a crowd of people. I trip trying to jump onto a ledge, face planting into the dirt with my backpack thrown over me. I slip in the mud. I say things that I realize in retrospect I should not have said.
Worst of all, I procrastinate.
The constant struggle between my intelligent and primal being. The argument between “Go onto imgur” and “do your homework so you can sleep,” often keeps me up at nights because I’m looking at imgur instead of going to sleep.
Now, in my sleep deprived mind, I feel a sense of peace and despair. The strain of my eyes on this computer screen, the resulting headache from the light, and the utter exhaustion from the workout I just did all contribute to a state of clarity.
There isn’t a whole lot of stuff to care about in this world. But there also is a whole lot of stuff that is worth it.
Maybe I didn’t get into colleges I hoped to get into, maybe I didn’t get to run the races I had fantasized about, and maybe I won’t be able to write this column cohesively, but in the end it doesn’t really matter. What matters to me is being happy. And now, I find myself in a state of unhappiness. I must do all that I can to rectify it.
The cause could be the law’s delay, the pangs of denied love, or probably just the lack of sleep I’ve been getting, but in any case, I have to change. Even if I spend all my time thinking about some lovely world where all my dreams are reality, none of it will come true. I must act. Unhappy with the way I am, I must start with the man in the mirror and be the change.
Maybe, putting this out there will help. Perhaps it will be the first step in the process. The catalyst to my change, the call to arms by a messenger who would throw a baby in front of a plow, the inheritance of a ring which will lead me on an unexpected journey.
I will face my sphinx’s, maybe Dread Pirate Roberts, or even a witch transforming into a dragon, but in the end, isn’t it worth it? (Maybe not for Oedipus, but that’s just one guy).
