10 Unfortunate Autumn Annoyances

Fall can be a drab, depressing season. Like middles school, it’s an awkward transitional phase.  Not quite summer and not yet winter, fall is a purgatory between sunny island vacations and fridge Tahoe ski trips. It’s also a season prone to ridiculous attempts by business to capitalize on its unfortunate character.

Here’s our list of the worst fall season trends:

1. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Overrated, yet some people live for these. I tried one for the 1st time this year. Expecting a mug of autumnal goodness, I received instead, a Yankee Candle in a cup. 
2. Candles. 1st, Wax contains Diethyl Phthalate, a chemical which causes irritation to the nose, eyes, throat, and respiratory system. 2nd, can someone tell Bath and Body Works that flannel is not a scent?
3. Turtlenecks. While flattering and classy, the turtleneck is a pseudo torture device. I have never experienced a turtleneck that was not itchy.
4. Candy corn. The worst Halloween candy, or candy in general. It tastes like and looks like wax. It is made of wax.
5. Ugg boots. These are an inconvenient shoe for fall. A drop of water threatens their fragile sheepskin exterior, making them impossible to wear in the rain. However, the excess fur on the inside overheats your feet if you wear them in warm months. Thankfully, this tragic shoe is falling out of style. The real question, however, is why was it ever in? 
6. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkin is the worst flavor for pie. It is just a pile of pumpkin sugar mush resting on top of a soggy crust. The day after Thanksgiving, there is always leftover pie, for good reason.
7. Apple picking. How is this fun? Paying money to hold a heavy basket full of mediocre tasting apples while your arms get tired.
8. Caramel apples. 1st of all, how can one execute biting into the apple properly without smearing caramel all over one’s face? After eating one of these I need a shower.
9. Pumpkin patches. I agree that this is a cute concept, but once getting to the pumpkin patch, what is there to do? People drive 45 minutes to contemplate pumpkins for about 10.  The rest of the time is spent wondering why they came.
10. The color orange. This color used to be unpopular. Rightfully. It has emerged, however, as a regrettable color for fall fashion. Orange is a beautiful color in nature. That is where it should stay.